Tuesday, August 21, 2012

How to Spice up the DMV and Get the Government Out of Debt at the Same Time.

Today  I spent two hours in the Department of Motor Vehicles with my sixteen year old son.  All the usual suspects were sitting around waiting their turn, the nervous teenager, the little old lady that has to sit on phone books to see over the dash, the middle aged business woman with a blue tooth in her ear. Over the loudspeaker, numbers droned on, now serving A084, now serving AO84 and so on and so on.

The whole experience was so government. No wonder the government is in the middle of a financial crisis, they run their business as if they enjoy torturing people and wasting money.  Then it hit me, the government has a budget crisis and I have a solution to help them. Why not take the captive audience of the DMV and use them to make money.  Here are a few simple ideas.

1.      For a fee, provide a full body massage while they wait for their number to be called. If well received, facials could added later.

2.      For a flat rate or quarters, create a game room where frustrated customers could play games like Grand Theft Auto, or Need for Speed (as an example of what not to do, of course)

3.       Have a small bookstore where patrons could purchase books. After school, maybe provide a story time for little Jonny while his mom pays for her 100’s of dollars in parking fines.

4.      Play number bingo using the next in line ticket numbers. Every person gets a card when they walk through the door. If they get bingo, their fees are paid for by the state. The bingo cards are laminated and reusable. A bin will be placed by each exit to drop the bingo cards off as you leave much like 3d glasses at a movie theater.

5.      Place a spinning karaoke stage in the middle of the floor. Use the TVs normally used for giving safety driving tips to display the words of the song in case the audience wants to join in. Charge by the song. Plus, if someone is really bad, there will the added benefit of clearing the place out so employees can go home early.

6.      Put in a nail and hair salon. Customers can get their hair done, getting cut or colored between windows and they will feel a lot more relaxed.

7.      Finally, provide a bar and grill charging the outrageous prices usually found in stadiums and movie theaters. If patrons drink too much and then get in their cars to drive, police officer’s can be stationed just outside the DMV to catch them making further money on fines in addition to taking a potential menace off the roads.

So there they are-my ideas to improve your DMV experience and make the government money. If in ten years (that’s how long it will take to get through red tape) you go into a DMV and find a karaoke stage and a bar, you’ll know…well you’ll know I’ve been involvedJ

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