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Sunday, January 27, 2013


Sneaking Into Costco

I used to be a rule-abiding citizen then, in an act of desperation, I did the unthinkable. I snuck past the power clad door people at Costco…without my card. Even worse, I made my son an accessory to the crime.

It all started out so innocently. I was taking my son to lunch. He wanted pizza. We drove talking and laughing, unaware that we were on our way to a slippery slope of criminal choices.  We pulled into the crowded parking lot and found a parking spot.  It was at that exact moment that I remembered that I had seen my Costco card on my dresser and it all came back to me. I’d taken the card out and forgotten to put it back in my wallet.

I was in trouble. My son is teenager and must eat nearly every hour of the day.  He had that  look in his eyes.  Feed me Seymor, it said and I knew there was no turning back.

I turned to my son.  “We have two choices, we can go home or try to sneak into to Costco.”

His eyes never wavered.  He would get his pizza at all costs.  We climbed out of the car, walking side by side making our plan. We would have carefully and stealthy. Pizza was at stake.

“Wait until the guys at the door have a long of carts,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear, “When they are distracted, we use the return entrance.”  He nodded. He was fully on board with our criminal activity.  In my head, I could hear the mission impossible music propelling me forward.

We waited until a screaming child created a distraction, then quickly darted through the return door and past the receipt checkers. My heart was pounding but no on at the return desk seemed to notice us slip by.

We were in. We slowed to a casual stroll.  We had no food, no cart, we had to keep a low profile. After we ordered our pizza and sat down, my son kept a lookout. What if they’d started random card checks. We had to watch out backs.

When the pizza was gone, there was only one thing left to do, get out without being notice. Again the music in my head.  “Walk with the flow of carts,” I said to my son, “Don’t let em catch your eye.” 

We blended, carefully maneuvering between carts of food and unnecessary clothes and book. It was the perfect cover and soon we were breaking out into the sunlight.

On the way home, we cleaned the greasy evidence from our hands with wet wipes. No one could ever know about our lawless behavior. Now that you know, you must tell no one.

That was last week. I’ve gone straight since then. I have a family to think about and readers who may or may not respect me.  The question I leave, is what have you had to sneak into…No never mind. I don’t want to be accountable.

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